Round 3, v Tullamarine Jets, home

Half an hour before kickoff Marian approached me under the eaves of the Sumner Park clubhouse. “I’m not sure how I’ll go today. I’m really stressed and my head is all over the place,” she said, moving her eyes, head and arms about wildly to illustrate the point. She looked like a helicopter spiraling out of the sky to its doom and I did the only thing I could do: back away from her with some haste.

But the weirdest thing was that upon kickoff Marian, positioned at right fullback, proceeded to play the best she has ever played. At 55 and into her eighth season this was no small achievement. I dare say her opponents must have liked their chances seeing Maz take to the pitch with her silver hair and her Zimmer frame (okay, I’m kidding, it’s more salt and pepper-coloured than silver) but Maz ate them alive and not once did her direct opponent get around her or beat her to the ball. Better yet, Marian was as composed as I’ve seen her and upon winning the ball she made numerous judicious passes rather than simply kick the ball away. Somewhere else. Anywhere else.

After half an hour of inspired play and Maz heaving in the air after being hit in the abdomen by the ball I thought she deserved a rest. Her substitution initiated a standing ovation from our best crowd for years (a crowd that included Sue’s son Zak, on crutches but recovering well from that hit and run). Admittedly the crowd had no choice but to stand, since there is no seating along the sidelines, but they clapped and cheered her with genuine enthusiasm and admiration.

By the time Maz took her rest we were four goals up. Admittedly, the Tullamarine Jets were not a slick passing team, but they were extremely enthusiastic and vigorous in defence and everything we got we earned. After an even opening 15 minutes we began to assert control and our passing game started to click. Ten minutes later Emily, getting her mojo back, had a hat-trick (that’s three goals) before Frannie scored her first of the year around the half hour mark. A nice volley, too. Perhaps it was the absence of Marian that caused our scoring to dry up from that point until the halftime break. Well, that was Marian’s theory anyway.

In the second half we hit our straps and we played some champagne football. There were even oohs and ahhs from the crowd, and I’m not referring to the time I bent over to receive a ball and showed them a cheeky glimpse of my undies, which were so old and worn they may have thought I was wearing pantyhose. At the back, Sue, Helen, Loz, Jenna and Merissa were rock solid and very well organised, and they allowed our midfield to concentrate on initiating some exciting attacks —Jo down the left, Bridget and Liz down the right. Rosie and KP, in particular, were pillars of strength. (A great pick-up, KP, who joined the team, sight unseen, just a week before the season began after a registered player withdrew at the last minute.)

Up front, Em was a constant threat. As was Timmy (Bridget), who put us 5-0 up early in the second half, shooting smartly across goal. To their credit, Tulla pulled one back, which gave their bellicose, pen-throwing coach a brief moment of calm, but that was the first and last time they would interrupt our rhythm (and disturb his pen-throwing). And, before the final whistle, we’d go on to score another five goals, almost all of them the result of a sweeping move, the kind you see in your dreams —well, the ones that don’t involve Tina Fey or getting dropped off at school by your dad only to realise, as he pulls away in a cloud of gravel dust, that you’re completely starkers.

So 10-1 in total, our 9th being a bottler —when Sue latched onto a loose ball near the Tulla penalty spot and thrashed it sweetly into the roof of the net, after which she celebrated her third ever goal by performing a cartwheel, much to the delight of the crowd.

But as noteworthy as Sue’s goal was our 6th goal was undoubtedly the game’s highlight. Having picked up the ball on the left flank Maz played the ball forward and, as she is wont to do, followed it. It must be said, Maz, in her enthusiasm, does sometimes wander out of position, and there have been times that the ball has careened off the field and down a hill and Maz has gone after it not even realising she has left the field of play. Once she ran so far she had to catch a cab back to the ground.

Anyway, much to her surprise, and the excitement of everyone in the ground (barring the Tulla crew, that is) Maz found the ball had been returned to her and that she was running into the Tulla penalty area with only the keeper to beat. Unprecedented! I only had time to implore the gods — ‘Please! Please! Please!’ — when Maz, showing Emily-like composure in front of goal, calmly side-footed the ball into the corner of the net.

The Tulla players must have thought we were rubbing it in unnecessarily such was the level of our excitement at attaining a 6-1 lead, but they wouldn’t have known that this was Marian’s first ever goal, and she’s played around 100 matches.

Thrusting her arms into the air, her raised eyebrows threatening to leave her forehead altogether, Maz was swamped by the onrush of Bras who were arguably more excited than she was. I dare say Marian’s head was still ‘all over the place’, but not in the same way it was in those moments before kickoff. And rightly so.

[Result: 10-1 win. Goals — Emily, 5, Bridget, 2, Frannie, Sue, Marian]

NEXT MATCH, Sunday May 9: v Watsonia Heights, Gabonia Reserve, Watsonia, 1pm.